I feel betrayed

Almost four years ago, while I was waiting for our third child, the man I was living with left me to go with a girl he had known a few years ago. She called him on the pretext of hearing from him, gave him his number. He called him back and then everything changed. He started seeing her, I knew she'd called him on the phone but I did not think he'd called him back. Then I discovered that they met, that they met in hotels ... The world collapsed under my feet. I lost my bearings, it was ten years that we were together, the future seemed promising in my eyes, we were waiting for a girl, we had everything to do.

He did not know what to do, he looked lost. He no longer respected me and that girl on the other side who turned her head, she only had eyes for him, she said she was ready for anything. She came to my home while I was not there, with him and my two boys who were not even two years old. I could not stand what he was doing to me. He did not want to decide, I was in terrible pain. I asked him to choose one last time so he left with her.

Since they both live. He comes to pick up the children every two weeks and half of the school holidays. It's been almost four years now. I try to play down, but I admit to having a lot of trouble. I followed a psychotherapy for two and a half years with the impression of having suffered most of the storm. But I miss something. All things have lost their flavor, it's like I've lost a part of myself. I feel betrayed, abandoned, despised, he never gave me a valid explanation that would help me understand his decision. I often think of everything we have to share and who will not be.

Today, I have this funny feeling that he loves children but he does not support their mother. How could he choose me to do the children and today show me all this scorn? I do not want to think about it anymore, but I can not do it.

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