Do I still have to see my husband after our divorce?

Do I still have to see my husband after our divorce?

I divorce from my husband, but without dispute: he remains very friendly. He made me the promise to continue to see the neighbors, to come and do the garden ... All the better, that's what I wanted to have the courage to break up. But will I be able to rebuild in these conditions? A friend asked me about it: "Apart from the fact that you will lose financially, what will be the difference?" What attitude to have? Christiane, 53

Catherine Marchi

Clinical Psychologist

Responds

There is never ONE and only one good attitude to have. Everyone reacts to emotional upheaval with their psychological and emotional back ground. Divorcing someone we loved and with whom we have lived for many years is a traumatic event, even if we consciously decide that relationships do not degenerate into titanic conflicts. Any separation reactivates indeed the separations of childhood, the abandonments (real or fantasized), the ruptures, the disappointments and the past sufferings.

You prefer a smooth and gradual separation, you feel more secure, why not? Today, more and more divorces are happening in a calm and measured way. The desire no longer exists between the two spouses, they are no longer in love with each other, but the respect and the affection remain and they continue to remain in friendly relation. It's a solution that has advantages and disadvantages, like all solutions.

Obviously your friend would have reacted differently. According to his personal psychological mode of functioning, a complete and radical separation would have been preferable. Some make "clean slate" of the past, others do not. Like all well-intentioned people, she projects her point of view and desire on you. Do not be swayed: only you can know exactly what your desire is. The important thing is not to maintain the lure of a possible return, not to remain vague about the reality of your separation. If you are clear about that, there is no reason for you not to "rebuild" yourself a new life because your husband does not completely disappear from your landscape and comes to mow the lawn.

Also read:

  • How to divorce without being destroyed?

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